The 'Adrift' Affair
by Avirra
Summary: A day on the water is supposed to be soothing, but it depends on how you ended up there in the first place.  #13 in my sound/dialogue series.


Thanks to **MLAW** for the underlying idea to this tale - although I don't think I went the direction she had in mind *l*. My muse moves to the beat of her own samba band.

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><p><strong>The 'Adrift' Affair<strong>

_slosh_

"So…. read any good books lately?"

"No, but a copy of 'One Hundred and One Ways to Dispose of a Partner' might be handy to consult at the present."

"Touchy are we, tovarich?"

"Sunburn tends to bring that out in me."

"Drawback to that fair complexion of yours, partner mine. Although I don't think I'm that far behind you."

_lapping wave_

"No, I suppose you aren't."

"Shame we don't have sunscreen."

"Shame we do not have many things. I wonder if the current we are in is taking us closer to or further from shore?"

"Hard to say. If I spot a passing dolphin, I'll see if I can ask him directions."

"If he cannot give directions, see if you can at least talk him out of a fish."

"Up for eating one raw, are we?"

"Since I would consider building a fire in the middle of a boat to be inadvisable, yes. Even if we had the materials to build a fire, which we do not."

"There's not a lot that we do have to work with."

"We are alive, Napoleon. The odds were against that."

"Our odds aren't getting any better."

"Feeling a bit pessimistic, my friend? That is usually my job."

"More like being realistic, Illya. We're a long way from anywhere."

"We are also a long way from dead. And I did manage to send off an SOS before the ship went down."

"Technically, it went up before it went down. You'd almost think T.H.R.U.S.H wanted us to go down with it."

"I did get that impression. Still? That was a memorable explosion. Shame I cannot claim credit."

"Just as well. If you'd been the one responsible for that, I'd be far less amiable about sharing this lifeboat."

"Who is sharing with who? I seem to recall that it was I that pulled you in from the water and not the other way around."

"Alright, fine. You're sharing with me, but it would still be uneasy."

"That I will grant you. But trust me, Napoleon, had it been I that planned that explosion, I would definately have made more adequate plans for our getaway than this."

"True. Say - don't you normally get seasick?"

"Do you truly wish to look that cow present in the mouth? Or would you really rather be stuck in close quarters with a very nauseous Russian?"

"That's _'gift horse'_ - and no, I can't say that watching you upchuck rates very highly on the entertainment scale."

"That is really a term? 'Upchuck'?"

"Yes, it's really a term. Not that I suppose it matters. I don't think either of us have anything left in our stomachs at this point."

_grumble_

"You really did not need to go to the trouble of reminding my stomach."

"Was that your stomach making that noise? I'll be. Just like a mother's lullaby."

"I would sincerely hope that your mother had a nicer voice than that."

"Singing wasn't Mom's strong suit."

"You came by your singing voice honestly then."

"Har-har. Hey. It's clouding up. Maybe we'll get some rain."

"That would be nice. Assuming it does not come down hard enough to swamp the boat and sink us."

"Now who's being the pessimist?"

"It is my job. I am simply reclaiming it."

"What do you think my odds would be of finding my communicator by diving?"

"Just a bit better than your chances of being the next King of England."

"Oh, I don't know. If Her Majesty and I were to meet under the right circumstances?"

"It would be circumstances such as those that the phrase 'God Save the Queen' was invented for."

"Ouch. You're on a roll today, partner. So, how did you lose your communicator?"

"It happened while I was fending off a T.H.R.U.S.H. determined to come on onboard while simultaneously in the process of dragging a rather waterlogged partner into a lifeboat."

"Sounds like a perfectly legitimate reason to me."

"I hope they think so when I fill out my expense report. And if my ears do not deceive me, I may have to add something else to that report."

"What are you hearing?"

_chtok chtok chtok chtok_

"There, Napoleon. I can see it now. It appears that the rescue helicopter has found us."

"In that case, since you were the one to send out the SOS, I'll put the helicopter ride onto my expense account."

"My hero."

"Russian."

"American."

_rattle_

_sthunk_

"I'll steady the rope ladder while you climb up, Napoleon."

"No, you go first."

"Let us not argue. Or if we must argue, let us do it seated in the back of the helicopter. Besides, it is not a matter of politeness. I just want to be sure I will be getting my deposit back again."

"Fine, fine. In that case, I'm going. But this is the last time that I book an ocean voyage for the two of us."

"I will hold you to that."


End file.
